💰🚨BREAKING NEWS: CRYPTO GANGSTAS ON THE LOOSE!🚨💰 So, you thought your life was chaotic? 🥴 Welcome to the world of cross-chain crime where the only bridge you're gonna find is the one between sanity and "what the heck is going on?!?" 🌉💀 Elliptic just dropped some 🔥 numbers that’ll make even the most hardened hackers clutch their keyboards! Crypto criminals racked up a whopping **$21.8 billion** in 2025! That’s up from a pathetic $7 billion in 2023 😱—like they’re playing Monopoly but with real money! 💸 No cap, that's some serious glow-up! 🚀✨ And guess who's leading the charge? 🥁 Drumroll, please... North Korea! 🪖🥳 With a casual 12% of that dough, they’re basically the “Kanye of Crypto Crimes.” 🤖👀 (Ye, we miss you bro, but this ain't your vibe) “Bro, we’re not even tracing this stuff!” said an anonymous dev last seen drinking coffee under a bridge. ☕️👀 I mean, let’s be real, managing your DEX is harder than managing a TikTok account these days, amirite? 😂🙅‍♂️ So, what’s next? TIME TRAVELDING these criminals into the matrix? 🚀🔥 2026 prediction: every cowboy is now a blockchain outlaw, and your next-door neighbor is a fugitive. 🤠💻 #StonksButNot Get ready to follow your crypto wallet like it’s a Netflix thriller, fam! 🍿😱🔥