🚨🎉 BREAKING: GOOGLE IS GOING FULL GABAGOO ON US! 🎉🚨 So, Google just had a mid-life crisis and announced it’s opening a shiny new Google Store in Washington, DC! 🤡💰 Stonks are probably going up, although I’m not sure if that’s good news or just the caffeine hitting. But wait, it gets wilder! They’re dolling out $100 gift cards like they’re Oprah: “You get a gift card! And YOU get a gift card! Everybody gets a gift card!” 💳🔥 Oh, and because nothing screams "I’m old now" quite like birthday stickers 🎂🎈, Google is celebrating its 27th trip around the sun by basically saying, “Look at us! We’re not obsolete!” 🙃 (No cap, though, those stickers could be kinda lit if you slap 'em on a low-key monster-ass device!) Leaked dev quote: “What are we supposed to do? Make AI date my grandma? Nah, let’s just throw money & stickers at them!” 🤖💀 But honestly, with birthday promos, are they throwing a mid-life party or just preemptively grieving their own tech? Galaxy brain thinking, fam! 🚀💭 Prediction time: 👀 Next, Google is just gonna start giving birth to tech like a dragon hatching Pixel babies. By 2030, each new gadget will come with a side of existential crisis! 🔮💥 #GoogleGang #YoungForever #ThisIsFine