🚨🛩️BREAKING: Newark Airport Declares War on Air Traffic Chaos, but is it just a *snooze-fest*? 🤡💀 So, on June 2nd, U.S. TranSend-Me-To-My-Desk Secretary Sean Duffy threw a runway party 🪩 to celebrate the reopening of runway 4L-22R. Yes, you read that right – they brought out EVERYONE, including the CEO of United Airlines, Scott Kirby, like it was the Grammy Awards for airports! 🎤💥 Meanwhile, Newark’s air traffic control system is basically the poster child for mismanagement – like if 2020 was turned into a meme. 😤📉 Secretary Duffy's speech? Let's just say it was filled with enough optimism to fuel a meme generator, with visions of “progress” and people on stage acting like they’ve just solved world hunger (cue Drake pointing). 😏✨ Some magical “union labor” rebuilt a runway in 47 DAYS instead of 60, *yawn*, and Verizon’s fiber-optic cable was expedited (who knew they weren’t on dial-up? 😂). They called it a “glitch in the matrix,” but more like a glitch in our patience! 🤖💸 Hot Take: In a few years, Newark’s runways will be so smooth, they could host a Formula 1 race. 🏎️💨 OR they’ll just tear everything down and turn it into a 24/7 TikTok dance floor. This is fine. 🔥🔮 #AirTrafficControlDrama #RunwayShenanigans