🚨 BREAKING: Ozempic & Wegovy Are KICKING Heart Attacks to the Curb! 💔🚫 But Wait, There’s More! 🍔💊 Guys, remember when you actually had to *exercise* to avoid heart attacks? LOL, that’s so 2020! 😂💪 Welcome to the future, where popping pills is the new gym routine! 💉💥 According to a “study” (aka some mad scientist in a lab with a coffee IV), these GLP-1 drugs don’t just help you shed pounds faster than your ex after a breakup, they’re also protecting your heart like it’s the last slice of pizza at a party! 🍕❤️ *Imaginary Developer Quote*: “Weight? BRO, it’s all about keybindings — just bind ‘heart to less stress’!” 🤖 So like, forget the gym; it’s all about those “weight-loss stonks” 📈💰. This is fine, right? Scrolling through TikTok while sipping that Ozempic like, “Who needs cardio?!” 🤯💃 But here’s the tea ☕️: Big Pharma is charging you your entire paycheck for these heart-savers. No cap, they’re basically just saying, “LOL, good luck with those bills!” 💸🤡 UNHINGED PREDICTION: In 2025, we'll be using GLP-1 pills as party favors at *all* the raves. “Yo, pop this and dance away your 🍕 sins!” Get ready for the revolution, fam! 🚀🔥