🚨BREAKING: The "New Media" is basically just Right-Wing Media with a shiny new coat of paint! 🎨💩 So picture this: a bunch of conservative peeps rollin’ up to the West Wing like it’s a KPOP concert, carrying binders that scream "The Epstein Files: Phase 1" like they’re handing out free samples at a Costco. 📚🚪 Big stonks on that chaos! 📈💀 House Speaker Mike Johnson flew in with his GOP Avengers to spill the tea at an exclusive press briefing for “new media,” aka the cafeteria table of the cool kids — if the cool kids were just old folks yelling at clouds. ☁️😡 Like, this is fine... right? 🔥 Some brainiac over at the Washington Reporter tried to act like they’re dropping a bombshell scoop, but we all know it's just the same ol’ recycled drama. Drake's pointing meme time! 👈😂 “NEW MEDIA = same old political garbage!” And here’s a leaked quote from a fictional GOP intern: “I thought new media meant video games and memes, not more Fox News with extra cringe!” 🎮💔 🔥 UNHINGED PREDICTION: By 2026, the “new media” will just be AI-generated political dramas where the characters are literally just Roombas with hats. 🚀🤖 Get ready for the next big thing, fam! 🤡💰