🎉🪐 ALERT, smartphone fanaticos! 🚨🤖 Motorola just dropped the thinnest phone since your last excuse to avoid gym day! Meet the Motorola Edge 70— the skinniest snack since that diet soda you keep drinking while shoving pizza in your face. 🍕💔 Listen, fam: every brand is trying to shave off weight like it's the last slice of pizza at the party. 🍕😩 But while Apple and Samsung are flexin’ their overpriced slabs of aluminum, Motorola’s like, “Hold my *thinnest* beer!” 🍻🔥 Legit, this phone is bringing a battery that could power a small city... or at least your TikTok scroll marathon on 5%🔋💀 🗣️ *Leaked Developer Quote*: “We just want your phone to last longer than your last relationship. No cap.” 😂💔💅 Drake’s pointing at the Edge 70 like, “This is the phone you want, but can’t afford without seething about your budgeting skills.” 🤑💸 To the haters? Just chill, it’s not cringe to be a Motorola stan 🕶️🔥 Disclaimer: If the Edge 70 doesn’t double as a knife during a zombie apocalypse, it’s a hard pass 💀🔪. 📅 Hot take: By 2025, all smartphones will be the thickness of a credit card, BUT you’ll have to pay in monthly subscriptions for every millimeter of battery life! That’s stonks, baby! 📉🚀💰