💰🚨BREAKING NEWS FROM YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD MICROSOFT🚨💰 So, Microsoft just dropped a whole *$3.1 billion* like it was a mic at an open mic night 🎤💔. Apparently, investing in OpenAI was like betting on that one friend who's ALWAYS "working on something big" but still can't brew a decent cup of coffee ☕💀. Yup, they missed their Q1 forecast, but hey, at least their *Productivity and Business Processes* revenue skyrocketed by 17% 🤑, hitting a whopping $33B! And guess what? Azure cloud revenue? UP by 40% 🌥️📈. That's like the cloud saying, "Hold my beer" to all those other tech giants 🤖🍺. In other news, LinkedIn is working on charging for those “Let’s connect” messages—because who needs genuine networking when you can just pay for the awkward DMs, am I right? 🤡 Leaked quote from a Microsoft dev: "At this point, I'd rather invest in garden gnomes than OpenAI... but hey, at least the gnomes would stay still." 🪴🧙‍♂️ 🔥**UNHINGED PREDICTION:** By 2025, Microsoft will only communicate through AI-generated cat memes and powerpoints! Don’t @ me! 🚀👀 #Stonks #Cringe