🚨💻✨ BREAKING NEWS, fam! Microsoft has just dropped the Surface Laptop 5G, and it's officially the most buzz-killing hype train since the "return of the floppy disk" 🚂💨. Now, before you hit snooze like your Monday morning alarm, let’s spill the tea ☕️: this bad boy is geared for business users and not (YET) for all you TikTok meme lords out there. 😳🤖 Imagine trying to flex your new Surface 5G in the office and your coworkers are still stuck on their crusty old laptops, looking like this is fine 🔥👁️‍🗨️. But hey, with six internal antennas, it could “transition smoothly” between WiFi and cellular. You heard me! 6 antennas! That’s 5 more than I’ve got friends! 🤯💔 But wait, there's more! This laptop is armed with Intel Core Ultra (Series 2) processors—whatever that means—and a Neural Processing Unit that can do 40 trillion operations per second. No cap, that’s more brainpower than most HR departments 😂💼. And in a totally real leaked conversation, a developer at Microsoft was heard saying, “If we charge them enough, they won’t even know it’s just a glorified Chromebook.” Can I get a stonks? 📈💸 In conclusion, are you really ready to carry around a $2,000 overpriced paperweight that says "business casual"? I think we’ll be seeing these in the clearance section faster than you can say “seethe.” 🤡🔥 Hot take: Next year, Microsoft will launch a Surface Laptop 10G that does your taxes AND provides existential dread. Buckle up, fam! 🥴🤘