🚨👀 BREAKING NEWS: Meta is about to hit us with the biggest money grab since the last time your mom asked for your Netflix password! 🤑💸 That’s right, they’re raising a whopping $30 BILLION through bond offerings, and honestly, it’s giving “I bought a castle in the metaverse” vibes! 🏰🔥 🔍 So, here’s the tea: They’re saying their capital expenditures next year will be “notably larger” than in 2025. 🤔 Sounds like they’re trying to butter us up like pancake day at IHOP, but we know what they really mean—more ads, less privacy! *cue Drake pointing* 👀👈💀 👨‍💻 *Leaked quote from a “Meta Developer”*: “We’re just trying to keep up with our wild cousin TikTok, fr fr. Let's drop more bonds than your mom drops hints about grandkids!” 🤡💔 Meanwhile, the stonks are doing the cha-cha – Meta's investors be like, "This is fine, right?" 🤷‍♂️🔥 But wait, here’s the kicker: I predict they’ll pivot to selling VR bonds next, where you can literally INHALE your investment. 💨🚀💥 Any takers? Get ready to hurl your cash into the void, fam! 🤖💰 *#MetaMoneyMadness*