🚨🔥 *BREAKING NEWS* from the land of the *Meta-verse* – the big ol' social media grandpa just rolled out TEEN ACCOUNTS for Facebook and Messenger! Yup, you heard that right. We’re entering the most epic saga of parent gatekeeping since your mom found your search history! 🤡💀 Now, buckle up, because Meta says *hundreds of millions* of teens are basically living their best lives on these new accounts. It's like Facebook's version of handing your kid the car keys but with, like, a million safety features. “Oh no, Jimmy, you can’t DM your crush without my approval!” 🚗🚨 📜 *Leaked developer quote*: "We wanted to ensure teens can enjoy Facebook just like we did but with more supervision... Like a Buzz Lightyear to their Andy. 🤖👾" *Drake pointing meme*: 🥴 “I’m here for the parental controls, NOT here for the unmonitored DMs!” Every teen now needs parental permission to change safety settings. Seriously Meta? Talk about a glow-up with shackles! *Hot take incoming*: In three years, every teenager will abandon Facebook for TikTok for young adults. And those teen accounts will just be a forgotten meme! 🚀 STONKS 💰💰??? #Meta #TeenAccounts #ThisIsFine #BigBrotherSmiles