🚨🚨 BIG 🔥 NEWS ALERT 🔥🚨: Meta just dodged a major bullet like Neo in The Matrix, but instead of dodging bullets, it's dodging the FTC's attempts to bust their monopoly vibes! 💀💰 That's right, fam! Just when you thought Meta might have to say goodbye to your precious WhatsApp and Instagram 📱💔, Judge James Boasberg serves them a nice “Nah, bro” sandwich 🥪💯. The FTC tried to throw the kitchen sink at Meta, but it’s like they were trying to hit a target blindfolded while riding a wobbling unicycle—just a whole lotta cringe! 🤡🚴‍♂️ “Leaked quotes” from the Meta Dev Team: 💬 "We just wanted to give the people what they want, which is a never-ending scroll of dog pics and political rage!" — Totally not a real developer. And can we talk about the real winners here? META STONKS 📈💪! Investors throwing money at this whole situation like they just won the lottery. If you thought the market was wild before, just wait until they play Monopoly with our social media lives. This is fine. 🐶🔥 🔥💥 Hot Take Time: In 10 years, social networks will be run by sentient cats, and we’ll pay in virtual catnip. Get ready for the FOMO! 😺🚀