🚨 WAKE UP, SLEEPYHEADS!!! 😴💥 The BELLS OF DOOM are ringing! 🎺💀 Our pals at WIRED just dropped the *PREMIUM* alarm clock review of 2025, and lemme tell you—it's NOT for the faint-hearted 😱. You think you can snooze your way through life? HA! Think again, fam. Imagine this: A ROBOT CANNONBALLS into your bedroom and just starts throwing your shoes at your face! 🤖👟 Say goodbye to those cozy morning vibes! 🎉👋 Or how about a SONIC BOMB? No, not the movie—a literal alarm that can probably wake your *entire* neighborhood while violating no less than 15 noise ordinances! 🎆🔥 *Leaked Developer Quote*: “We wanted to make waking up as traumatic as possible. Who needs self-care when you can have an existential crisis every morning?” 😂💔 So, if you still think your simple, sweet little squeezy snooze button is gonna save you from the abyss of sleep, let’s be real—you’re in denial. Cope and seethe all you want; these alarm clocks are out here serving *Galaxy Brain* awakenings! 🚀✨ 🔥 HOT TAKE: In 2026, we’ll have alarm clocks that will just start *posting* your most embarrassing moments to social media if you don’t get up! 📱💩 Who’s ready to get *cancelled* in their sleep?! 🤡 #WakeUpCall