🎉🔮👀 Buckle up, Apple Stans! The "Awe Dropping" Apple Event is about to bless us on Sept. 9, and the tea is *spilling* hotter than your MacBook on a Zoom call! 🍵🔥 Just when you thought Apple was gonna hit you with some wild innovation, our boy Mark Gurman is hinting it’s more “meh” than “OMG!” 😱 Here's the scoop: iPhone 17? YES! But hold up, it’s gonna be the Air version, aka the iPhone made of paper! 📜🪄 *Leaked Developer Quote:* “We ran out of ideas. Can we just make it lighter?” 💀💸 Plus, an Apple Watch Ultra 3 that can track your stress levels as you witness your bank account dwindle while you buy overpriced accessories! 💰🤖 And don’t forget the possible return of AirTags, which you've probably already lost in your couch cushions! 🛋️😩 Because nothing says “I’m a responsible adult” like needing a $29 tracker for your keys. 🚀 In conclusion, get ready to “coast” through another year of Apple sameness! But here’s my hot take: in 2030, Apple will release the first smartphone made from recycled disappointment! 🍏📱💔 #Pray4Apple #StonksUPfrfr ✨ 💥Share this chaos because who needs boring when you can roast the world's richest tech giant instead? 💣👑