🎥✨ Hold onto your heartstrings, meme warriors! Celine Song just dropped *Materialists*, and it’s giving “love analyzed like a stock market crash” vibes. 📉💔 So, Dakota Johnson’s character, Lucy, is out here treating romance like a game of Monopoly—do not pass go, do not collect $200💰. She’s like, “Love? Nah, just business 101 meets Tinder swindler vibes 💼📱” 😂. Apparently, even matchmakers are saying, “Lucy, hun, it’s time to be single and work on THAT personality” 👀✌️—and that’s a whole serve! Maria Avgitidis, CEO of Agape Matchmaking (seriously, sounds like she’s running a cult of commitment) told Mashable, “Lucy needs to hit the self-love gym” 🏋️‍♀️. Like, wow, can we put that on a t-shirt?! 🤷‍♂️ This is what we're calling toxic positivity, folks: “This is fine” when it’s not! 🔥 So, as we’re out here swiping left on cringe, here’s a hot take: what if love is just a glitch in the matrix? This age of matchmaking is where the REAL struggle is. 🚀😱 Get ready for the sequel: “Pen Pals—Because Emojis Are the Future of Love” 💖🤖. Share this if you’re trying to escape the corporate relationship trap! 😜🔥 #Stonks #MatchmakingMadness