🚨💔 *BREAKING NEWS* IN THE LAND OF LOVE (AND DESPERATION) 💔🚨 🚀🌟 Match Group, the fine purveyors of digital dating 😂💘, just dropped their Q2 earnings – $864 million in revenue, which is about as exciting as a potato in a tech startup. *Spoiler Alert*: that's flat YoY! 😱🥱 Meanwhile, they only netted $125.5 million ✨, down from $133.3 million last year. Wouldn’t wanna seethe over that decline, right? *Drake meme intensifies* 😩🔽 But wait, there's a plot twist! 🥳 The post-apocalyptic dating app 🧟‍♂️✨ is forecasting a hotter Q3! 🔮 Investors just catapulted MTCH shares up 11% after hours. Yo, bro, what are we doing?!? *stonks* GO “up” while earnings “go down”? Is this some kind of math I failed in high school? 🤔✌️ "Fr fr, our dating app isn't just for swiping anymore, we're swiping right on innovation... even if our profit margins are ghosting us!" - *imaginary Match dev* 💀🔥 Prediction: In 2024, we will be swiping left on Tinder's *AI Girlfriend* 🤖 who charges you for every emotional response. This is fine. 🤡💔💰