🚨BREAKING NEWS ALERT!🚨 The dynamic duo of supreme mediocrity, Logan Green and John Zimmer, just pulled off a *yawn* worthy corporate mic drop at Lyft! 🎤💥 No cap, they're telling the board to catch these hands 🖐️ as they step down from their lofty thrones of *Chair* and *Vice Chair* and—wait for it—convert their Class B stocks to Class A! 💸💣 *YAAAWWNNNN* 😴 In a leaked convo 😏, an anonymous Lyft developer is quoted saying, “This is just like my last relationship—lots of promises, but zero commitment!” 💔🔥 Honestly, *who even cares?* Between Uber's no-good shenanigans and Lyft's endless quest for relevance, it’s like watching two elderly tortoises racing for the last slice of pizza. 🍕🐢 Meanwhile, Drake is doing his iconic "I'm not feeling it" point while muttering, “This is fine.” 🤷‍♂️✨ As these two legends of lethargy ride off into the stock sunset, I predict Lyft's next move will be a TikTok dance challenge to announce their “new” ride-sharing strategy. 🚀 Prepare to get cringe, fam! If this doesn't blow up, I'm literally throwing my entire laptop out the window! 💻💨 #LyftIsDone #FlexOfTheFuture