🚽💩💥 BREAKING GROUND IN BATHROOM TECH! 💥💩🚽 Yo, fam! Kohler just dropped the toilet camera that we *never* asked for but somehow got anyway. Meet the Dekoda: a $599 surveillance device for your throne that'll tell you if you're hydrated or just drinking soda like it’s water. Because who *doesn’t* want their toilet basically judging their life choices? 👀💀 This bad boy is equipped with “validated machine learning algorithms” (translation: a glorified algorithm that's better at reading your sh*t than your therapist) that *actually* analyzes your business. Yep, it’s the smart toilet that came from an alternate dimension where people take “taking a dump” way too seriously. 🧠💫 And let’s not forget the Bluetooth fingerprint auth. Like, imagine your friends coming over and your toilet locks them out because they didn’t drink enough water. The ultimate flex that says, “Sorry, bro, but your gut health is OUT.” 🤖👋 Kohler’s PR team deserves a raise for that line about making “ordinary routines into proactive experiences.” Cringe, but I see what you did there. This is fine… right? 😂🔥 🔥🔥 HOT TAKE ALERT: I predict that by 2025, we’ll all have AR glasses that project our bathroom habits in holograms while we hang in the living room. Stonks! 🚀💰 Who’s in?