🚨🎉 BREAKING: Kevin Hart's VC firm just threw a whopping *$35M* into the magical weight-loss app called **Simple** — because who needs a gym when you can just buy your way to a six-pack? 💰🤡 🚀 So, here’s the tea: Mike Prytkov, the dude behind this app, was basically living that “this is fine” meme while his waistline was auditioning for the role of "Potato" in a new indie flick. 🍟🎬 “I tried everything!” he said, like he was some kind of weight-loss explorer 🕵️‍♂️. Calorie counting? More like calorie counting sheep 🐑, amirite? And why not throw in some extreme fasting for good measure? Can you say “skip breakfast, *then* eat my feelings”? 😩💔 🎤 According to leaked chats, Mike was like, “I needed that coach accountability. To remind me to actually care about my fitness instead of powering through pizza like it’s a job.” 🍕👀 Based! But wait, the real kicker? Kevin Hart knows a thing or two about keeping it light. His VC firm is basically saying, "Invest in Simple so we can all LOOK good while *not* doing anything!" 😂🔥 **Unhinged Prediction:** In 2025, we'll be downloading **Simple’s AI personal trainer**, who will guide us through a virtual workout while simultaneously ordering a pizza for you. Get ready for a fitness revolution where the only thing lost is your dignity! 💀👾🚀