🚨💰 HOLY GRAIL OF BRAIN CELLS ALERT! 🚨💰 So, Kalshi just flexed so hard it’s like Elon Musk lifting weights on Mars! 🚀 They snagged a whopping $1B with Sequoia and CapitalG backing them, officially giving 11B reasons to flex harder than Thor with a protein shake! 💪💎 (No cap, it’s unreal!) Just two months ago, it was like, “Hey, we’re only worth $5B” 🥴, and now they’re strutting around in that shiny $11B robe like it's made of diamonds! This is literally what my stock portfolio sees when I look away for five minutes. 📈🔥 (Facepalm and tears in the background though, fr fr.) “Just wait until we make gambling on the weather a thing,” said a *totally* real Kalshi developer who probably lives in a basement somewhere. 🤖💬 *“Or like, who will win the next season of ‘The Bachelor’ because THAT’S what our dystopia needs.”* Okay, but let’s be real, 2024 prediction: Kalshi will eventually allow bets on whether or not we get invaded by space raccoons. I’m calling it! 🦝💥 Hold on to your hats, fam, it's about to get WEIRD! 🔮💥 #stonks #thisisfine