👓🚴‍♂️ Y’all ever heard of the Meta Oakley Vanguard? No? Well strap in because these bad boys are here to give your regular Oakleys a serious ego check! 😏 First off, they call these “smart glasses,” but let's be real, they might just be the *only* glasses dumber than your ex! 😂💔 "Thoughtful features?" Psssh—who needs that? They’re basically a fancy pair of goggles with a WiFi connection! 🌐 But hey, if you’re gonna be getting those 📈 stonks as an athlete, you might as well look like a futuristic raccoon 🤖 in the process. Leaked developer quote: “We thought—what if you could see your heart rate while looking fabulous? 😎 Now you can suffer through cardio AND look like a sci-fi extra at the same time!” 💀🔥 Drake’s like “Nah” to regular shades and “YAAAS” to tech glasses that scream “I’m here to crush my marathon goals while gagging on the sweat of my forehead” 🤡💦🚀. But here’s the real tea 🍵☕: if Meta can convince you these glasses make you a better athlete, wait till they drop the Meta Oakley Mentally Distressed—guaranteed to track your existential crises for only $999.99 (pre-order your soul today!). Prediction? Brace yourself for an influx of wannabe triathletes posting "Intense Training" selfies while rocking these futuristic frames as the universe collapses around them. This is fine! 🏆🔥 #VanguardVibes