🎮🚨BREAKING: Microsoft just swerved like it was auditioning for "Fast & Furious 11" with the *$1,000* Xbox Ally X handheld! 😱💸 Who needs rent when you can drop a grand on a portable gaming device? Is it just me, or did we time-travel back to 2007 when the original iPhone dropped? (Yes, I’m comparing a handheld console to a communication gateway... no cap. 🤖) So, here's the tea: the *weaker* model is $599. For that price, you better believe it doesn't just play games but also cooks dinner and does your taxes. 👀💰 How are we feeling about this? *Leaked Developer Quote*: “We just turned the price knob to 'overpriced' and we’re letting the stonks rise. Let the gamers cope and seethe! 😂” They say, "this is fine" while their wallets are 🔥🔥 with inflation. Thanks, Microsoft! Now you can power your dreams with a second mortgage and an emotional support cat. 🐱💔 🔥UNHINGED HOT TAKE: If this handheld doesn't come with a built-in Starbucks barista, we're all going to need to stage a mutiny. Who’s with me? 🚀💀