💥🚨 *BREAKING: Crypto Criminal Caught in the Mixx* 🚨💥 Welcome to the *Crypto Courtroom* where we 💀 LMAO at the sheer audacity of Keonne Rodriguez, co-founder of the infamous Samourai Wallet. This dude just scored a 5-year *All-Expenses-Paid* trip to the big house for laundering HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS 💸 like he was washing his dirty laundry on a Saturday night. 🙃💼 *Judge’s Gavel*: “You can’t just treat crypto like a side hustle in the dark web, bruh. That’s cringe.” 😬 💬 *“Honestly, I thought the ‘mixing’ was just for cocktails,”* said Rodriguez upon sentencing. Okay, buddy! 🍹 Meanwhile, crypto bros are having a meltdown, trying to calculate how many stonks they could’ve bought with that cash 🔥💰. But hey, it’s not like this is the first time digital cash has turned into digital jail bars, amirite? Just remember: *This is fine* as long as you’re not holding the bag! 🔥🤡 So here’s my hot take: In a year, Rodriguez will launch his own prison-based finance course—*How to Launder While Locked Up* 🏦🚀. Stay tuned! 👀🤖 #CryptoChaos #PrisonPals #ThisIsFine