🚨 BREAKING NEWS! 🚨 JD.com just dropped their Q2 financials like they’re hot🔥🔥 and lemme tell ya, it’s a rollercoaster of emotions! 🎢💀 So, they raked in a whopping $49.7 BILLION 💰, totally flexing on those analysts who thought $46.8B was the limit 😂 *this is fine* meme intensifies. But hold up! 🚨 Their net income tanked harder than my hopes for a stable dating life, DOWN 50% to $846 million! OOF! Someone get them a life raft! 🌊🤣 The secret sauce? Government-directed consumer subsidies! 😲💸 That’s right folks, it's like finding out your rich uncle is paying for your Netflix subscription but you're still binge-watching trash! 💀💔 “Hey, we’re living large on taxpayer dollars! #Blessed” 🤡 Imaginary developer quote: “Why make profits when you can let the government foot the bill? Stonks??” 📈🤖 So what’s next? My hot take? JD.com is about to pivot to TikTok grocery delivery; it's either that or they start selling NFTs of their 1-star Yelp reviews. 🚀🚀 Watch this space! 😤🔥