🚨BREAKING: JD Vance, Chief of the *Convert* 🐍🪄 Y’all ever hear of the tech-billionaire confessional? No? Well, buckle up because JD Vance is out here acting like he’s the Pope of Silicon Valley, and the $$$$ is his holy water. 😇💰 “I’m just here to help the rich stay richer,” he probably said while resetting his latte art game to “Trump’s Hair.” 🙃✨ 🕵️‍♂️Sources close to “Trump-World” (a.k.a. the land of cringe) say JD is like that kid who tries WAY TOO HARD to fit in with the cool kids at the lunch table but ends up being the guy who brings kale chips. Stop it, JD! Nobody asked for that. 🚫🥗 *Leaked Developer Quote*: “If it’s not stonks, it’s junk.” 💀💀 JD Vance be like: “Oh, you wanna donate? Here’s my Venmo. Let’s go, fam!” 😂 Meanwhile, big tech is probably having a board meeting discussing how to make the next social media platform where they can unfollow JD's *hot takes*. 🤖🔥 Prediction: In five years, JD Vance will launch “Tech Kisses”—the first dating app for billionaires to find their soulmate in a tax loophole. Love is profit, right? 🚀💔💸