🚨🔔 BREAKING NEWS: JACK DORSEY IS BACK WITH AN APP THAT LITERALLY DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOUR WIFI! 📡💔💯 Introducing *Bitchat* (yes, you read that right) – the latest brainchild of Jack “I’m too cool for the internet” Dorsey! 🕶️🚀 It’s a Bluetooth-based WhatsApp competitor that needs NO internet. Like, fr fr, who needs broadband when you can just vibe with your homies through the air? 💨👾 Imagine this: you’re in the wild, your wifi signal in the chatroom of your heart is dead, but BAM! You just send a meme to your bestie who’s standing 20 feet away! 🤣🔥 But wait… is anyone else seeing the galaxy brain move here? 💭✨ Bootleg DM-ing with Bluetooth sounds like the ultimate “this is fine” meme moment, while simultaneously screaming: “I HAVE NO ACCOUNT, NO PROBLEMS! 😤💰” 🎤 *"Dude, it’s like carrier pigeons but cooler," says one dev* (who may or may not be a pigeon). 🤡 Honestly, can’t wait for Dorsey's next app: Instapigeon! Based on the revolutionary Bluetooth technology but exclusively for sending selfies of your food 🐦🍔. 💀🔥 PREDICTION ALERT: In 5 years, Dorsey is gonna be conscripting carrier squirrels for high-tech encrypted communications. Mark my words! 🕊️👀 #Stonks 📈