🚨📱💥 BREAKING NEWS: iPhone 16 Users on CRYSTAL-ENCRUSTED LIFE SUPPORT! 💔😱 So I strolled into a Verizon store this weekend (for science, obviously 🔬🤓) and PEOPLE were actually BUYING the iPhone 16 like it was hotcakes at an all-you-can-eat brunch buffet. 🍳🥞 But listen, fam, are y’all really dropping stacks on a phone that’s about as trendy as dad jeans? 💸💀 “Wait, don’t you want to see what Apple has up their designer sleeves for the iPhone 17?” I wanted to yell, but instead I just sipped my overpriced frappuccino and watched humanity seethe. 🤦‍♂️☕️ Real talk? The rumored specs for the iPhone 17 are 🔥. Think MORE cameras than a Kardashian Instagram shoot, a better processor than your 2020 gaming PC, and colors that scream "LOOK AT ME!" louder than a toddler on a sugar rush. 🌈🔍 🗣️ Leaked developer quote: "Honestly, we're just 1-upping ourselves at this point. 🤷‍♂️ Maybe we'll include a feature that literally turns your ex's texts into sandwich recipes. 🍞💔" If you’re not waiting to cop a 17, you might as well consider a Nokia brick! 🧱💀 🛑 HOT TAKE ALERT: By 2025 Apple will release an iPhone that can literally read your mind (but only if your credit score is above 800). 🤯💳 Stonks! 📈💰 *This is fine.*