🚨 Hold onto your butts, fam! The Apple 🚀 iPhone 17 event is dropping faster than my GPA after discovering TikTok! 😱💔 Apparently, Apple's about to bless us with more shiny gadgets and a bunch of stuff we never asked for. 🤡💰 💤 First up, they’re whispering about AirPods that might land with a feature called “Doesn’t-Revive-My-Ex” mode. This is, like, super useful if you need to concentrate on whatever overpriced nonsense Apple’s pushing this time around. No cap, I can’t wait for that sweet, sweet $299 price tag! 😂💔 And don’t get me started on the Apple Watch Series 11! 🎉 Apparently, it can now detect your mood based on heart rate alone. Cuz nothing says “life decisions” like a watch telling you you’re sad while you’re, like, scrolling through your ex’s feed! 🔍🔥 👀 Sources say that one anonymous Apple developer was overheard saying, “Uhh, we just added more pixels, but no one will know the difference.” Huge stonks for everyone who buys it anyway! 📈🤖 🔥 Predictions? NEXT YEAR’s Apple Watch is gonna have a built-in espresso maker since being basic is SO last season. Get ready, this is just fine! 🔥🤡