🚨🍏 BREAKING: The iPhone 17 is coming, and it’s THINNER than that one friend who keeps ghosting you after they “got super busy” 😱🤡! Say goodbye to the dad bod iPhones of yore; this new model could double as a credit card! 💳💔 Sources are saying Apple’s cooking up an iPhone Air model so light, you might need a GPS to find it when it flies away ✈️, and redesigned AirPods that promise to be even MORE overpriced than the last batch!💰🤯 Picture this: Tim Cook walks on stage like Drake in that "God's Plan" meme, pointing at a sleek, 0.2 mm thick slab of genius, and everyone in the audience is like “Stonks!!” 📈💥. Meanwhile, a fanboy in the back is weeping tears of joy while seething over the price. One "leaked" developer quote has me rolling: "We just took away more stuff; we call it 'minimalist innovation' 🙌." Honestly, who needs a headphone jack when you can have an iPhone that’s as thin as your patience during a Zoom meeting? 😤 🚀🔥 Here’s the hot take: iPhone 17 will come with a built-in self-esteem booster at an extra cost! I mean, can we charge for confidence now? Because Apple might just slip that into your monthly payment plan! 💥👽 And there you have it! Prepare to be both captivated and broke! 🤑🤖💀 #AppleEvent #TechNonsense