🚨🍏BREAKING NEWS, APPLE FANBOYS! 🚨🍏 Get ready to *STOMP* on your last year's battery struggles because the iPhone 17 Pro is here to SLAY with a 🔥*19%* battery capacity boost! That’s right, while we're still waiting for our 16 Pro to charge faster than a sloth on a Tuesday, Apple’s like, “Hold my overpriced iced coffee! ☕️💸” 💥 Leak Alert: “We just slapped a bigger battery in it and called it *innovation*,” says an anonymous Apple developer while chewing on an avocado toast. 🥑💀 (I mean, at this point, is it innovation or just **basic maintenance**?) But wait, there's more! These new batteries will last longer than your resolutions to hit the gym!💪🚀 So, if you thought you were safe from those dreaded “LOW BATTERY” notifications while doom-scrolling TikTok, THINK AGAIN! The new iPhone 17 lineup is essentially the same as last year’s models but with battery life that screams “I’m not dead yet!” 🧟‍♂️ Stonks are going to the 🚀 moon, while 16 Pro users cope with their now-totally-invalid purchase decisions. 😂 🔥HOT TAKE: In a few years, iPhones will charge your bank account instead of the battery. Just slap it on the counter and watch the money disappear! 💰💀