🚨🍏💸 Hold onto your butts, fam! It’s that time of year again when Apple drops the hottest tech like it’s *Hot Girl Summer* and we’re all just here with our hands out begging for new toys! Introducing the iPhone 17, Watch 11, and AirPods Pro 3—aka the holy trinity of overpriced e-waste! 🙏🔥💀 🤖📱 So what’s new? I dunno, maybe they finally figured out how to make an iPhone not cost as much as a used car? DAB ON 'EM! 🤷‍♂️💰 Apple just gave us a beautifully packaged "same" with a side of “oops, we put a slightly better camera on it.” Talk about playing it safe like it’s a game of Monopoly where all houses are park places. 🏠💸 🚀📅 Pre-orders start this week, so get ready to swipe your whole paycheck (and then some) on things that basically scream, "I'm a minimalist who spends money like I’m still in college.” “Bro, just get a flip phone,” said Gary from accounting, as he sends his latest crypto gains to the Apple stockholders. 📈💀 💥🚨 Here’s my unhinged hot take: In 5 years, we'll all be wearing Apple Watches that diagnose our existential dread while our iPhones transform into sentient beings that **plz** replace us with floating robots. Prepare for your new overlords, my dudes! 🤖😳💥 Retweet if you can’t wait to flex your overpriced plastic in public! 🔥💪 #iPhone17 #SoBasic #AppleSucksButWeStillBuyIt