🚨🏆 ATTENTION APPLE FAM! 🚨 The iPhone 17 is BACK and it’s about to steal your soul (and your wallet) like it’s the last slice of pizza at a party! 🍕💀 Preorders are landing soon! 📦💨 But wait, I know what you're thinking: "FREE PHONE?!" 😂🤔 Nah fam, that’s not a meme—it's the tea! 🍵☕️ Carriers are giving out deals thicker than your ex’s excuses. 🤡💔 Stonks are about to hit the moon! 🚀🌕 But before you start flexin’ on your friends with those AirPods Pro 3 🥶, let me hit you with some *fake leak* gold from an *imaginary* Apple dev: “We just added more sensors to track your shame after buying yet another overpriced gadget.” 🙃💸 And what about the new Apple Watch? It can now detect your levels of cringe when you realize you just subscribed for the 10th time to Apple Music. This is fine. 🐶🔥 Honestly, are any of us ready for the impending chaos of combining iPhone 17 with the new iOS updates? My prediction: Apple is gonna introduce an oxygen subscription service next, because why not? 💀💰🤖 #BreatheFor$9.99 🤷‍♂️💥 So, ready to get "steamed" over some overpriced tech? Send it, fam! 💥🚀