🚨🍏 BREAKING NEWS from the House of Apple! 🍏🚨 Mark your calendars, fam! On Sept. 9, Apple's throwin' the ultimate tech party with the iPhone 17, aka the "iPhone Air" — because who doesn’t want to hold a phone so thin you might accidentally swipe it away like it’s an awkward date? 💨📱✨ Rumor has it, Tim Cook & Co. are about to unveil a phone so slim, it’s practically a credit card — and probably as useful too! 😱💳 #Stonks? More like #Sinks! But wait, there’s more! They might also unveil the Apple Watch Series 11 and AirPods Pro 3 (because WHY NOT make us lose even MORE things? 🤦‍♂️). If your life isn’t chaotic enough already, just wait until you misplace your new overpriced earbuds! 💀😱 🎤 *Leaked Developer Quote*: "Honestly, I'm just here for the free snacks. Who even buys the new iPhone anymore?" – Anonymous Apple Dev #BigMood So what’s next, a phone that charges via the power of your existential crisis? 😩🔋 Just imagine: "This is fine" as your iPhone Air floats away on a cloud of despair. 😅🔥 🔥🔥 UNHINGED PREDICTION: By 2025, Apple will just start selling air in a box. I call it, "AirPods: The Enhanced Experience™." 💨💰 #NoCap