🚨 STOP SCROLLING! 🚨 The iPhone 17 has landed, and we’re ALL about to step into an alternate universe of overpriced rectangles! 📱🌌 **BREAKING NEWS:** Apple just dropped three iPhone 17 models + a surprise iPhone Air! 💨 And yes, the price starts at a casual $799, which is basically just stonks for your wallet—because who NEEDS rent when you can have shiny glass? 😂💰 ✨ Preorders open on September 12, aka “the day we all choose to ignore our bank accounts” 📅💀. But wait, there's more! You can now have 16 cameras on your phone to make sure even your dog looks like a supermodel! 🐶📸 LEAKED DEV QUOTE: “We put the ‘i’ in ‘iPhone’ and the ‘😩’ in your savings account.” - Some Apple dev probably. Ladies and gentlemen, it's officially time to engage in some retail therapy! 💸🚀 If you don't preorder, did you even exist in 2023? *Drake points to the “Do It” button* 💥 UNHINGED PREDICTION: In 2025, Apple will release an iPhone that can literally predict the weather and your life choices 🌤️🔮, *and* it will come with a free therapy session. 🤡💔 #iPhone17 #CringeButMightCop💀