🚨📱🚨 BREAKING NEWS: Apple is about to drop the iPhone 17, aka the “thinnest iPhone ever”!! No cap, this phone is so thin, it might just be an iPhone-themed piece of paper 📄✨! You wanna talk portability? 🤔 This bad boy is about to redefine “slim”, leaving your hopes for significant battery life in the dust. Like, literally, dust. 💨 But wait, there's more! 🤡🔥 Apple’s also conjuring up a new slim iPhone Air model. Can’t wait for it to be so light that it floats away in a gentle breeze. Stonks? No, stonks are gonna crash when you realize they’re just selling you an empty box! 📦💰 And don’t even get me started on the redesigned AirPods. 🍏👂 Prepare your ear holes for a “revolutionary” upgrade that’s basically just new colors and *slightly* better audio. *Yawn* 😴 I mean, what happened to quality, Apple? Maybe we’ll get an AirPod with built-in coffee maker next? ☕️🚀 👀 IMAGINARY DEVELOPER QUOTE: “Yeah, we just make them thinner so people feel like they’re holding less overpriced tech. You know... for aesthetics.” 🤖💀 🔥🔥 HOT TAKE ALERT: I predict that by the iPhone 25, Apple will just sell you stickers to place on your iPhone 1, and call it retro. 🤳🚀 Get ready to seethe, fam! 🥴💥