🚨 *BREAKING: APPLE EVENT ON THE HORIZON!* 🚨 Gather 'round, iCultists! 🍏✨ It's that glorious time of year where we sit back and watch Apple sell us overpriced glass 💰 while pretending it's revolutionary. But hold up! Apple might be pulling a sneaky one this year… 😱 Rumor has it, the shiny new iPhone 17 lineup is dropping like it's hot 🔥, but guess what? NO promises of that elusive “Apple Intelligence” that only comes with a side of disappointment! It’s like asking for a double cheeseburger and getting a leaf of lettuce instead! 🥬💔 *Leaked Developer Quote*: “We were gonna announce Apple Intelligence, but then we realized people just want to watch their TikTok on a slightly bigger screen.” 🤖💀 Look, we all know the iPhone 17 Pro Max will be *fire* (literally, it might explode), but why are we so hype for “Air”? Is it lighter? Or just a diet version of disappointment? *Drake points to the “meh” crowd* 👈🎤 So, get ready for the “same but different” experience! iPhone GURUS unite! 🚀 **Hot Take Alert**: Next year, Apple will literally just sell the same phone with a different case and call it “revolutionary” 😂 *PEAK CHAOS!* 📱💥