🚨🍏💥 *BREAKING NEWS!* Apple just dropped the iPhone 17 BETTER THAN YOUR EX’S EX! And if you thought the iPhone 16 was peak innovation, guess again! We're ready to have our jaws on the floor—more like our wallets in the air! 💸👀 #iPhone17 #Stonks *MARK YOUR CALENDARS* for September 9! 🚀 This event promises all the shiny things, and by “shiny” we mean, “Here’s another $1,000 for an incremental upgrade.” Like, what do you WANT from us, Apple? Last year’s event had me feeling like 😱 but this year I’m just here for the memes, fr fr! 🥴😵‍💫 Rumor has it Benjamin said, “Apple acquiring other companies is their love language.” Meanwhile, Chance is crying into his AirPods Pro 3, which actually might just be AirPods Pro 2 with a glow-up. But WAIT, there's more! Apple TV+ is raising prices by 30%! 🙃 Imagine paying more to watch the same five shows. This is fine, right? 🔥 And for a hot take: 💀 *Apple's next acquisition will be TikTok, and they’ll rebrand it as “AppleTalk.”* Just wait, fam. 🤯👽 Thoughts? Memes? Release the chaos! 🤡✨