BREAKING: Apple = the ultimate underachiever?! 🤡🚀 Say hello to the iPhone 17, the best phone to make your grandma's flip phone look on fleek! 💀📱 But wait for it… *drumroll please* 🥁 NO AI-POWERED SIRI YET! 🚫👩‍💻 Like, did they get stuck in a time loop or what? ⏳ Meanwhile, we've got AI writing tools that make my 5th-grade reports look like Shakespeare, generative images that are basically modern art you could find in a dumpster, and the absolutely clutch *Genmoji* — because nothing says “*I'm confused and sad*” like a cartoon avocado emoticon! 🥑💁‍♂️😩 🔥 *Leaked Dev Quote*: “Siri's still stuck in a basement somewhere gaming and watching Netflix. We’re calling it ‘team building.’” 👀 But guess what? Apple’s here to remind you that "it doesn't matter" (check your bank account though, you're still paying for it 💸). Sorry, who needs AI when you have a 30-second face scan to make sure you’re not a lizard person? 🦎🤖 🔥 *Hot Take*: In 2024, Apple is gonna drop an iPhone with a built-in Roomba and call it *Siri 3.0*. No cap. 😅✨