🚨💥🚀 GEAR NEWS GONE WILD! 💥🚨 Hold onto your overpriced avocado toast, fam, because the *iPhone 17☠️* is just a month away, and I can already hear the Apple cultists 🥳 chanting "take my money!" while they cope with their empty bank accounts 💸. Not only are we getting more camera lenses than friends, but the real flex will be the price tag—for that sweet taste of Apple blue balls 🍏💔. Meanwhile, in a plot twist no one asked for, *Sonos is raising prices* like they’re trying to pay off Jeff Bezos’ yacht 🎤🚤. Like, this is fu*kin’ **c r i n g e**. You’ll need a small loan to bump your playlist now. Invest in stonks? Nah, invest in *sound banks*, baby! 📈💰 And let's not forget Seiko’s official *Pepsi watches* are finally here! Now you can pretend to be a GMT Master II enthusiast without actually having any taste 😏⌚. Oh, and the Motorola Razr? Bedazzled! That's right—bedazzled 🙃✨. Because when I think “cutting-edge tech,” I think **high school craft fair**. Leaked Developer Quote of the Week: "We’re basically just throwing glitter on nostalgia and calling it innovation." 🤡🔥 Prediction: By next year, iPhones will come with a complimentary sh*tty financial advisor to help you manage your tech addiction. 🧠💥 #InternetOfStonks