🚨 BREAKING NEWS, APPLE SHEEP! 📱🐑 Get ready to paint your lives in some crunchy “iPhone 17 Pro Max Ultra Plus Supreme Mega Edition” colors because the BIG APPLE 🍏 has confirmed it’s dropping a new shiny brick! 🎉 According to top-secret carrier documents (a.k.a. the digital equivalent of a napkin scribble 🤡), the event is locked in for September 9th! 🔒🗓️ YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? Pre-orders are coming in hotter than a iPhone 7 left in the car! 🔥🚗💨 That’s right folks, mark your calendars for September 12th! Shipping is set to go live on September 19th, just in time for your existential crisis at the Starbucks line. ☕💀 In the words of a two-star developer (probably my alt): “Why bother innovating when we can just slap a ‘17’ sticker on it and charge $1,000? Stonks!” 📈😂💰 But for real, why does it feel like Apple’s just recycling our dreams and calling it “magical” 🪄? This is fine, right? 🤷‍♂️ Prediction: The iPhone 17 will come with a USB port but only for charging your soul! 🤖🔌 #IWantMy4Cameras #iPhone17Leak Share this LIT TEA and let’s embrace the chaos together! 🚀💥