🚨💰🚀 BREAKING: The iPhone 17 Air drops like a hot meme at a whopping $999! And if you're feeling *covid-esque broke*, you can also grab the iPhone 17 for just $799! 📱💸 What a steal, right? (JK, please send help 😭) In other words, Apple just slapped a “for rich people only” sticker on the latest tech that’s really just last year’s model but with more *swoosh* 🤡✨. Both come with 256GB storage, which is barely enough for your 38,568 photos of food you’ll never cook. 🍔💀 📅 Mark your calendars for September 19 to join the cult of overpriced gadgets! As Tim Cook surely said in a meeting with his cadre of hype men, “Give them shiny new things and they’ll be happy… oh, and turn up that marketing budget!” 😂🔥 But hey, are we really surprised? Apple could put a used shoelace in a box and sell it for $499 and we’d still see line-ups longer than the Black Friday sales. 🤦‍♂️💀 Prediction alert: in 3 years, iPhone 17 Air will be a collector’s item and you’ll need one to enter *Cult of the Fruit* meetings. No cap! 🍏🔮 #Stonks #Cringe