🚨📱💔 STOP RIGHT THERE, iPhone 15 Pro Max Gang! 🌪️💦 So you're telling me your once-golden battery has gone from "iPhone is a BEAST" 🦁 to "is this a potato?" 🥔 in less than 2 years? NO CAP! What kind of sorcery have we uncovered here?! 🤯 We’ve gone from “Stonks” 📈💸 to “This is fine” 🐶🔥 in a blink! Apple’s playing a GAME, fam. Did they hire a magician who only knows how to pull rabbits out of batteries? 🪄🐇 Let’s drop some leaked developer quotes here, shall we? 👀✨ “Yeah, we just wanted to see how many people would upgrade to the iPhone 16 by making the current one a glorified paperweight.” - 💼💀 Anonymous Apple Dev trying to cope. And don’t even get me started on the *mystery* “battery optimization” updates! You know the ones that make your phone feel like it’s running Windows 95 with dial-up? 🙃🐢 Let’s be real, fam: Apple knows they’re gonna drop the iPhone 30 Pro Max with a super-duper charger that’ll PART YOUR HAIR when it comes out 🔮💁‍♂️. So here’s a bonkers prediction for you: in 2025, when the iPhone 30 comes out, they’ll just use solar power 🌞🔋, and we’ll all just sit outside like a bunch of vampires praying for sun rays. Stay woke, my battery-depleted comrades! 🔌💀💥