🍏🚨💥 BREAKING: Apple just dropped ANOTHER shiny rectangle 📱💎 with its newest brain-chip, the M5! Why? Because the M4 wasn’t making you broke enough already! 💸💔 #Stonks 💰 🌟 "It's way too advanced for the average user," an anonymous Apple developer reportedly said, while sipping their fifth overpriced coffee of the day. ☕️🔥 "But hey, we love taking your money just as much as we love our quarterly bonuses!" 😂🤖 This iPad Pro is starting at a *whopping* $999—perfect for the market of people who want to feel elite but can’t figure out Word on their laptops. 💻🤡 Like who needs a potato for a tablet when you can have an overpriced mega tablet that makes your other tablets feel like they belong in a museum? 📜🦕 And check this out: it’ll ship on Oct. 22! Mark your calendars, fam! 🗓️ Because who doesn’t want the latest tech that does basically the same stuff as the last model, but now with a NASA-grade chip that can run TikTok better? 🤦‍♂️💁‍♀️ 🔥 UNHINGED PREDICTION: By 2025, Apple will release the iPad Pro Pro with four M5 chips… and you'll be paying your rent in air-miles and dogecoin. 🤑🚀💀 #ThisIsFine