🚨💻 BREAKING: Intel shares just got a MASSIVE glow-up because Uncle Sam is sliding into their DMs! 💸👀 According to Bloomberg (the news source that’s basically your tech TikTok feed), the U.S. government is like “Hey, let’s play stocks” with Intel! 🙌🔥 Shares shot up more than 7% faster than the speed of a gamer downing Mountain Dew at 3 AM! 🚀 But plot twist! Just last Thursday, President *Trump* (yes, the hair guy) dropped a bomb on Intel’s CEO Lip-Bu Tan, demanding his resignation because of those Chinese chip investments. 🏴‍☠️ Like, bro, this is like watching a soap opera but with more silicon! 🤡💀 Developer quote, “Honestly, I thought I was in a bad episode of Black Mirror. Now I’m just waiting for Elon Musk to start tweeting about it.” 😂👽 Meanwhile, stocks are doing the cha-cha like they just found out they’re getting greenlit for a Netflix series! 💃✨ 🔥 So here’s the unhinged prediction: This is either gonna go like *stonks* 🚀 or crash like a 2008 Dell. Keep your eyes peeled and your memes spiced! 💥💰 #ThisIsFine #IntelDrama #Seethe 😬