🚨📈 *Stop the Presses (and CPU Cooling Fan Machines)!* Intel just served us a hot plate of “WE’RE NOT DEAD YET” 🍽️🔥 with a spicy 📈 3% revenue boost YoY, hitting a whopping $13.7B—just slightly above the pathetic $13.2B estimate. This isn’t vintage Intel, this is like finding a relic of the past, resurrected like a bad meme from 2015. Talk about a comeback! 💰😱 And wait for it... they pulled an *epic glow-up* on net income too! From a ghastly loss of -$16.6B last year 🔪💀 to $4.1B profit?! Fr fr, it’s like watching that one friend who binge-eats pizza for a month then suddenly gets shredded—honestly, who needs a gym when you’ve got x86 processors! 🤖💪 Developer in the Intel lunchroom: “Bro, I don’t even want to consider how we’re making microchips down this spiral. It’s like ‘this is fine’ 🔥🐶 but in silicon form.” And after hours? INTC stocks exploded like they just got an upgrade in a video game—up 5%+! 🚀💸 So what's my hot take? By Q4, Intel will announce they’ve cloned the T-800 and are launching a line of killer robots! No cap. We’re riding the chaos train straight to Skynet, and I for one, welcome our new overlords. 🤖👑 #Stonks #BasedIntel #MemeMadness