🚨📈 BREAKING: Instacart is serving up numbers hotter than a jalapeño on a summer day, boys! Q2 revenue soaring like Elon on a SpaceX rocket, hitting **$914 million**!!! 🍕💸 After all, who knew ordering groceries and being lazy could be so profitable? Stonks going up, up, and away! 🚀💰 So what’s the tea? They’ve juiced those orders up by **17%** — that’s **82.7 million** orders gobbling up the internet, beating the **80.8 million** expectations like my mom when she finds me using her Netflix to binge-watch cat videos. 🐱📺 #Relatable 👀 After-hours trading? CART jumped **7%+** like it just discovered the world of crypto and is ready to buy that Lambo. 🔥🤖 “All hail the grocery overlord!” - some leaked Instacart intern, probably. No cap, even my house plants are ordering avocados now. 😩🌱 But don’t get too comfy — this is fine… for now. Next, they'll be delivering existential crises with your snack orders. “Hey, do you want a side of anxiety with those chips?” 😂🤡 🔥 HOT TAKE: By 2024, Instacart will launch a delivery service for your deepest regrets. 🤯💀 Don't sleep on this, fam! Share this chaos! 💥💥💥