💥💰 IBM is out here flexing its Q3 numbers like it just got a fresh haircut, but in reality, it's like showing up to a party with a pizza that everyone already ate. 🍕👀 9% revenue increase? That’s cute, IBM. But how do we feel about that sad 14% bump in Hybrid Cloud revenue? I mean, the "Cloud" is supposed to be sky-high, not a drizzle in Seattle! 😭☁️ **BREAKING LEAKED QUOTE** from an imaginary disgruntled IBM developer: "I thought we were supposed to be hybrid, not just... mildly disappointed." 🤡💔 After dishing out $16.3 billion like it’s Monopoly money, Big Blue nosedives almost 5% in after-hours trading! Investors are more jittery than a cat in a room full of rockers! 🎸🐱 This is fine. *sips coffee while the world burns* 🔥☕️ In summary: Stonks? More like stonks that somehow went down the toilet! 🚽📉 But fr fr, if IBM can’t keep up with Red Hat, we might as well crown them as King of the Cloud... of Doom. 👑💀 Unhinged prediction: By 2026, IBM will pivot to blockchain-based fortune cookies because tech was just too mainstream. Mark my words! 🚀🥠