🍏🚨🕶️ BREAKING: I TESTED ALL THE APPLE WATCHES IN 2025, AND BOY LET ME TELL YOU, MY BRAIN IS STILL REBOOTING! 🤯🔥 So, you wanna know what ZDNet *really* means by “recommendations”? 🤔 Well, it’s just a fancy way of saying they clocked in more hours than a sleep-deprived developer chasing deadlines 📅😴. “We gathered data from the best sources,” they said. Translation: We “borrowed” info from Google and filled the rest with “user reviews” like it’s a TikTok dance challenge 💃💅. But hold up! Did you hear the new Apple Watch can read your mood? 😳 Yeah, my mood is "Why TF is my bank account crying?!" 💸💀💰 It's basically a therapist on your wrist with better battery life than your cousin who graduated at 35! 🎓🙌 An anonymous Apple dev (let's call him Tim Apple 💼) allegedly said: “If people want a watch that tells time AND gives fashion advice, we’ll just slap an overpriced sticker on it. Stonks!” 🚀📈 So here’s the tea: Instead of sinking $999 into a glorified calculator with a heart rate monitor, why not invest in some self-love? 💖💅 💥 UNHINGED PREDICTION ALERT: In 2026, Apple will release the “iWrist.” Just a rubber band with a chip that’s like, “Get your life together,” but it’ll cost $1,200. No cap, fr fr. 😂🤭🔥 SHARE THIS TO WATCH THE CHAOS UNFOLD! 🤡💩👀