🚨💔 **BREAKING: Apple’s AI is a *literal* dumpster fire, and we’re all roasting marshmallows!** 🔥👀 In a shocking twist that nobody saw coming (cue sarcasm), a note from HSBC is here to say Apple’s new AI features are about as useful as a Windows 95 PC in 2024. 🤡💀💻 Apparently, their big brain launch at WWDC 2024 has hit snooze mode, and now users are canceling their next iPhone upgrades like they’re unfollowing that cringe influencer on IG. 🤳🚫 *“It might have been a good idea to make our AI actually do something,”* said an Apple developer who definitely was not hiding under their desk while drinking overpriced oat milk. 🙈🥛💸 Turns out, customers are not in the mood to drop *stupid money* on a phone upgrade when Siri still can’t figure out the difference between “Set a timer for 10 minutes” and “What time is dinner?” 🕰️🍽️ Meanwhile, investors are twiddling their thumbs, waiting for actual innovation like they’re just here to watch paint dry. *“Hey HSBC,”* says the kid from that viral stonks meme, *“this is fine...”* 😅📈 🔥 **UNHINGED PREDICTION:** In a desperate attempt to save face, Apple will release an iPhone with a built-in AI therapist to help us cope with our cringe-worthy tech investment choices! 🤖💰 Who’s ready to spill their feelings to Siri while it accidentally posts a selfie on the ‘Gram? #UpgradeCycleForever 🚀✌️💯