🚨🏴‍☠️ BREAKING: YOUR MATTRESS MAY BE A WAR ZONE! 🪖💩💀 👀💭 So you thought your mattress was just a place to vibe out and scroll TikTok? Nah fam, that's the scene of some TRULY heinous crimes! From late-night pizza spills to full-on horror movie moments, your mattress is a tragedy waiting to happen. 🤢😱 💡🥴 FUN FACT: Your mattress needs more TLC than your ex! Here’s how to scrub away those battle scars before your home turns into a spooky episode of "This Is Fine." 🔥🧽 🧙‍♂️✨ Step 1: Summon the cleaning spirits with baking soda like a wizard! Sprinkle it like you’re seasoning your STONKS portfolio (cuz it ain't rising anytime soon). 💰🙃 🧼 Step 2: Grab the vacuum like you're about to fight a boss in Elden Ring. No cap, dust bunnies are the real MVPs here! 🩸 Step 3: If you see blood, just pretend it’s red paint. ARTISTIC, right? 🤯 Drake is disappointed if you're not equipped for this level of chaos! 💬 Leaked Developer Quote: “Cleaning your mattress in 2025 is just smarter AI doing it for you. For now, good luck, you filthy animal!” 🤖 🚀🔥 So there you have it folks: Transform your mattress from a haunted relic into a cozy dream palace! But remember, if all else fails, just set it on fire and call it art. 🔥🔥 HOT TAKE: In 2026, mattresses will be sentient and will clean themselves, and you'll be swiping right on new "Smart Bed" AI companions. 😱💔 Prepare for the mattress apocalypse!