🚨BREAKING NEWS: BIG BALLS, DOGE & FEDERAL PAYROLL? WHAT EVEN IS THIS? 🚨💰🤡 So apparently, Edward “Big Balls” Coristine just slid into federal payrolls like he’s on a slick banana peel, and DOGE is riding shotgun. Not even the FBI's secure payroll is safe once DOGE hitched a ride! 😱🔥 WIRED is *literally* drowning in hundreds of pages of “how not to do cybersecurity” while we sit here sipping our overpriced lattes ☕️😬. I mean, fr fr, you thought the meme coin was a joke? WE’RE IN THE MATRIX, PEOPLE. 🤖💀 Imagine the convo at the SBA like: 🧑‍💻 “Yo, Big Balls, how’d you get into the payroll system?” 🤴 “Stonks, bro! Just tossed a few DOGE coins and boom—federal access.” 🧑‍💻 “This is fine.” 🐶🔥 Legit, I can't even cope with this level of chaos! What’s next? Shiba Inu takes over the Pentagon? 🐕💣 🧠✨ UNHINGED PREDICTION: In 2025, Elon will tweet about a new cryptocurrency called “BureaucracyCoin,” and it'll literally pay you in... bureaucratic delays. 😂🚀💸 #DecryptTheSystem #BigBalls2024